The 3 Golden Rules to Being a Roommate
If you live in the city, you likely don’t live alone. If you do I hate you because that’s all I want from life. Okay, maybe I don’t hate you, I’m just a little jealous but I’ll get over it OKAY.
Anyway, back to the lecture at hand, roommates. UGH ROOMMATES. They’re the worst! But chances are you are one. Sadly it seems people still don’t understand the basic requirements to living with others in a small space (unless you live in some squatter-hippie-commune apartment thing. That’s like the wild west as far as I’m concerned so anything goes there). But fret not, people of the city. To set the record straight I’ve
officially enscribed the 3 golden rules that people should adhere to. Anyway, here they are.
3). Be quiet.
In case you didn’t get the memo, people in New York don’t typically go home to throw a party and play beer pong with their friends. They go home to sleep and MAYBE relax if they have time. Otherwise, we would live in a house in some comfortable suburb where there’s nowhere else to go. So unless, again, you live in some sort of commune, leave the hanging out for all the awesome bars in this city. There’s plenty of them! Also, nobody wants to hear your remixed techno beats at 3 in the morning. Nobody. Not even in the club, so just get some headphones already.
2). Be clean.
First of all. Do you your Goddamn dishes. This particular argument occurs in every single household, and I’m tired of hearing it already, so the buck stops here. If you don’t have time to do your dishes, you don’t have time to cook and that’s that. Have you heard of a thing called cockroaches? Yeah, they’re not a myth. And you don’t want to see the truth baby, because the truth hurts. As for the rest of your household chores, take care of something every once in a while. It’s not everyone’s responsibility to scrub the poop off the toilet seat 100% of the time, including yours.
1). Pay on time.
Seriously, your mamma don’t live here, and you won’t either if you don’t get that check in on the first. You live in a city where things are expensive, so don’t move here if you can’t handle it because if you really REALLY don’t have your rent, you better not have a drink your hand, food on your plate or a working cell phone either. And if that’s the case, then you best go cry to the government, cause no one else you’re living with is trying to hear your sob story. We all work way too hard and pay too much rent and taxes to be covering one more person. You are not your roommate’s dependent.
So one more time people, Be quiet, clean, pay on time, and there won’t be any issues.
Or get your own place.
Cause as they say, ain’t nobody got time for that.